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Weekend at music school. A band festival was taking place there. He just had to get on stage for my world to blank out. My stomach ended up in my lungs. My head felt like it had exploded from so much heat. My legs weren’t mine anymore. This happens every time I see this person. I don’t know how or when it started, but it sure hit me. I hate uncertain situations in my life, like this…He definitely doesn’t even know I exist. Why him? Too much to handle? I don’t know, the guy is always surrounded by girls. The guy is popular. HE’S THE MAN. And I never asked for this. We can’t control it, right? Want to know who he is? There is no way in the world that I’ll tell, what if he reads this blog. For the time being I’m safe, he hasn’t the slightest idea. And I’m the one who always finds a solution to everything, what now? Is there anyone going through the same thing? HELP ME!!!
Gui: Were you born this way, weird?
Zica: Oh, nobody is born weird, we just end up being weird!
Gui: And who is to blame?
Zica: My parents, who were never there, and my nanny, who was there all the time!
Gui: What’s on the other side of your bedroom door?
Zica: Nothing much and, at the same time, all too much. It is the ordinary room of an ordinary girl, but on the other hand, it holds my things, what I write, draw, paint and compose…
Gui: And is all this going to remain locked up in there?
Zica: No, no, it’s almost out.
Gui: No one, absolutely no one actually can enter your room?
Zica: No way. That is my world, it’s just some square meters that become infinite. From there I can get to any place… That is mine and mine alone, no one has gone in there since I was 13 years old …
Gui: What is your biggest dream?
Zica: Put my music on the street and see my drawings move…
Gui: Do these drawings move?
Zica: Yes, I want to become an animated cartoon…
About Gui: When I was little, we were forced to stay together while my mum and his mum shopped endlessly. It was he, our nannies and I, and we did not get along at all. I hated those times, until our mothers quarreled and this ended. Years later we ended up in the same high school and who would have thought that he’d become my best friend? That’s life…
Earthquake in Italy. People dead, monuments and artworks destroyed. A tragedy. An event that reinforces the fact of how fragile life is. How it is like walking over thin ice that can break at any time. And how we delude ourselves by thinking that we are in control. Everything can be fine and, suddenly, it all falls apart. In Italy, it took just 30 seconds to change everything. That’s why it is very important to live life to the fullest, to not waste time, because we have no idea how long it will last. I’m not waiting for any earthquake in my life but I’m not the one in charge…
Yeah, I can’t seem to drop this thing about Mondays. Everyone has his or her own way of facing Mondays…, but I know many people hate this day! The good thing about starting the week is that, for someone like me, there is always “something” to talk about, which is the raw material for my work. I ended up writing a new song about Mondays, and it starts like this:
“I leave the house
I see colors that I find no interest in
Who painted them? Neither you nor I,
They were already there before us
I close the door,
The solid ground turns to sand…
Insecure walk takes me
to where I don’t even want to go”…
Now I’ll just show the rest of the band, I think it will be too cool.
It’s over! What? The long weekend. It was good, I did a lot of new things, and I even wrote a new song. I tidied up my beloved room, organized my life. Now I feel ready…for all that again. There I go taking my sensitive ears to school and hearing things I’d best do without…But it’s part of it, right? The good thing is I’m very calm, light, who knows maybe I can even ignore it? There are people like that in your school, right? Useless, empty, thinking that because her hair is full of streaks and she has a tight body she has the world at her feet? Sweet illusion, one day all that will drop and what will be left?
So, as I no longer feel like posting anything else this week, I leave here my “Happy Easter”. One more date the wise-man-beast found a way to make money from. Everyone wants to get an egg, but what really is Easter? That time of year when bunnies lay eggs? Yulk, is that really chocolate? The worst part is that I have read some things about chocolate, and believe me, I don’t even like eating this cocoa ball. Not even this I like? Well, whoever wants my egg, call me and I’ll leave it at the gate, so just come on over and grab it. A sweet, crunchy, white, bitter, stuffed, etc, Easter to all!
New blog, new life. I wish it was true, while in fact, I’m still the same. One thing is for sure: I’m no longer “afraid of the white screen“. Yeah, that panic “how do I start to write? Or draw?” Today I no longer have that fear. Something always comes out. And in the middle of this stuff there’s always something good, I guess. I feel that I’m more inspired and anxious, with good sensations, willing to conquer the world. There are so many things inside my head… Ah, if I don’t get the attitude soon, the attitude to show it all, I’ll be condemned to have heartburn for the rest of my life, or maybe ulcer, who knows? Relax Zica, hold on, attitude is coming…
